Jokes About Medical
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: “I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.”
St. Peter: “That’s great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?”
Nurse: “I’ve supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.”
St. Peter: “Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?”
Health Maintenance Organization Director: “I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.”
St. Peter: “Oh, I see. Please go in…but you can only stay two nights!”
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# Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
# The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
# Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
# The patient refused autopsy.
# The patient has no previous history of suicides.
# Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
# She is numb from her toes down.
# Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
# I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
# Skin: somewhat pale but present.
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one a guy had to take this pill to drain his bodely systems so the doctor said that he will be having the shits once and awhile so the next few days he had to go take a shit so he went to sit on the toilet and all that came out was a fart so he went back n his bed and 2hrs later he had to go, so he went to the bathroom and nothing came out except a fart so he went back to lay in his bed. the 3hrs later his stomahc starting growling again and he said it was going to be a fart so he didn’t go then he knew that he shit all over the white sheets and he said that the doctor can not see this or he will be embarassed so he threw the sheets out the window. the sheets came down and landed on a bum sleeping , the bum woke up and started to swing his arms and saying get this shit off of me when he did a priest was standing next to him asked him what happened and the bum said i think i just beat the shit out of a ghost
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There was a blonde who was hurting all over so she went to the doctor. The doctor said, “Where are you hurting?”
She said, “Everywhere. See?”
She touched her arm and said, “OUCH!”
She touched her leg and, “OUCH!”
She touched her nose, “OUCH!”
“See?” she cried, ” I am hurting all over!”
The doctor laughed and said, “What you’ve got is a broken index finger!”
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There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You’re cute!” Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to beautiful ? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
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