Regularity
Woman: I have a problem.
Doctor: Well, are you regular?
Woman: Yes I am. Every day I do a number one at 7:30 in the morning and a number two at 8:30.
Doctor: So, what’s the problem?
Woman: I don’t get up until 9:30.
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Hearing Voices
Man: Doc, you’ve gotta help me. I’m hearing voices but I don’t see people.
Doc: And when are you hearing these voices?
Man: When I’m on the telephone.
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Sheep Heart
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him “How are you feeling?” The man replies “Not BAAAAD!”
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Stupid Patient
Patient to the eye doctor: “Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp, excruciating pain.”
“Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking.”
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A Dose of HMO’s Own Medicine
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: “I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.”
St. Peter: “That’s great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?”
Nurse: “I’ve supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.”
St. Peter: “Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?”
Health Maintenance Organization Director: “I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.”
St. Peter: “Oh, I see. Please go in…but you can only stay two nights!”
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